16 Rules to Magical Girl Anime

The Rules of Magical Girl Anime
1. The god(s)/fates/mysterious being(s) will ALWAYS choose the most hopeless person possible to become a MG.
2. The MG chosen must, by definition, be far too cute for her own good. She must also be a fairly young character (e.g. 13 years old).
3. The MG must be assigned a familiar/guide, which must also, by definition, be far too cute for its own good.
4. Transformation into a skimpy and/or impractical costume is a MUST.
5. Said transformation must take at least 60 seconds in length to show, if not longer.
6. While transforming, all attacking villains will wait patiently for her to finish. Once the MG has transformed, and given their usual speech, the villains may then resume destroying the city, sucking the life force out of its inhabitants, kicking kittens, and casually jaywalking through heavy traffic.
7. No matter how bad the MG’s disguise, nobody will actually be able to tell who she is. Nobody.
8. The MG must keep her identity secret from everyone, including family. Only those who are meant to find out will find out, and it will rarely be by the MG’s choice that they do.
9. If the MG encounters and befriends a person that they have never met before, and said person has no importance to the main plot, they will soon be attacked by the Monster of the Week.
10. Mysterious but important people, posing as new students entering the MG’s schoolroom, will ALWAYS be placed in a desk near said MG.
11. MGs will always, at least once in their careers, encounter a creature or villain which they cannot defeat. This creature is obviously meant to show itself to be cannon fodder for the super-powerful being about to reveal themselves.
12. “Big Boss” villains must always be fought last. Regardless of how much time they spent sitting in a chair plotting, they will always put up a better fight than their minions, driving the MG and any companions she has to despair shortly before a stunning comeback.
13. MGs must, at any one given point, fall in love with an unobtainable boy. Alternately, a boy must fall in love with the MG (either form), albeit she is unobtainable.
14. No matter what, the MG will succeed. Rarely does this come with any cost except a small fainting spell. If MG does not succeed, it is either because they are to make a stunning comeback shortly after their failure, or rule #11 has come into play.
15. The villains will only ever bring/create/summon one monster at a time to fight the MG. This is clearly an effort on their part to conserve valuable resources for later dastardly deeds.
16. Despite standing for love, justice, and all things frilly and pink, the MG is not to be trifled with. Disregarding the MG's ideals will end in the villain's plans being irrevocably ruined. Seriously ticking off the MG will end in the villain becoming irrevocably dead.